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Wednesday, September 5, 2007
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   Wednesday, September 5, 2007

How Women Can Negotiate Like Pros
Copyright 2006 Mary Greenwood
There are some stereotypes that women cannot negotiate as well as men: that women are not as aggressive, that they take things too personally, or that they are not taken seriously. As a woman negotiator myself, I believe that the same rules apply to men as woman. However I have listed five rules that should particularly help women Negotiate Like A Pro.
1. It Does Not Hurt To Ask. If You Don't Ask, You Don't Get.
It does not hurt to ask for something. The worst that can happen is that the other party says no. This is true in any kind of negotiation especially in dealing with a boss. Ask for that raise or promotion. Even if you don't get it, your boss may admire your pluck and keep you in mind for future promotions. If there is something very important to you, it is good to get it out on the table. However do your research and be prepared to defend what it is you want and why you should get it. Don't think that if you deserve a raise or promotion you will get it without initiating the conversation. In a job offer, try asking for more money and see what happens. If you have a bad customer experience at a hotel, ask for something like an upgrade or a free night. The results may surprise you.
2. Never Take No For An Answer
If you ask for something you really want and it is denied, don't take no for an answer. Try to find out why they are saying "no". As they say, there is more than one way to skin a cat. Try to think of a different way to convince the other side to give you want you want. Go back to the drawing board and try to ask for what you want in a different way. Even a minor change, a compromise or rephrasing might make it more palatable. If this is an important issue, suggest a trade-off or package deal, so the other side might be motivated by getting something they want.
3. Look the Part
You are the one who should set the tone of the negotiation. When you come into the room for the first time, you should look the part. You should wear professional clothes. A woman should not wear a lot of distracting jewelry. Bring the accessories of success such as a nice briefcase and notebook. Project the image that you want. You might want to try it in the mirror a few times. You want to give good eye contact and be a good listener. You want to seem knowledgeable about the issues or issues to be discussed. Think of the expression, "Fake it till you make it." Being a good negotiator is like being a good actor. Remember to play your part and look the part.
4. Never Let Them See You Sweat
It is important to check your emotions at the door before trying to negotiate anything. Emotions such as anger can make one lose control. If you are nervous, upset or unsure of yourself, you need to focus on what you hope to accomplish and tell yourself that nothing is going to stand in the way of your goal. If the other side sees weakness, they may try to bait you, so don't give them the satisfaction of knowing they have gotten to you. When I am upset with the other side, instead of getting angry, I actually speak more softly and more slowly to get my message across. Don't let your emotions interfere with the negotiation and never let them see you sweat!
5. Be Prepared
Like the Girls Scouts, you must be prepared. If women feel they are not always taken seriously, they may have to work extra hard to do their research and be prepared. Much preliminary work must be done. If you are not completely prepared, consider delaying the start of the negotiation. If you try to wing it, you will regret it. It is important to have all the answers in advance. You cannot be over-prepared.
If you follow these Rules, you should be able to Negotiate Like A Pro.

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Mary Greenwood, J.D., LL.M:, Negotiator, Mediator, and Author of How to Negotiate like a Pro, 41 Rules for Resolving Disputes Visit http://www.iuniverse.com or Email me at: Howtonegotiatelikeapro@aol.com Visit http://www.Marygreenwood.com to get on my mailing list


Great Expectations?
"Nobody succeeds beyond his or her wildest expectations unless he
or she begins with some wild expectations." - RALPH CHARELL
What are your expectations for your life? Are you excited about your future or are you facing it with apprehension and fear? For most people the future holds too many uncertainties and the fear of what might happens tends to overshadow the ray of light that represents the life they ultimately desire. One of the hardest things to do in life is to lift yourself out of your current circumstance and step up to the level of life you desire.
We all live with an unconscious expectation of ourselves and our own lives. This expectation not only determines what we have in our lives but it also represents what we are willing to settle for. Expectation is a very powerful emotion and one that very few people ever learn to fully cultivate. Whatever you expect with certainty is what you will get in your life. Expectation is the emotional state where an idea becomes so real that you feel it even though you can't hold it yet. Expectation is like an invisible magnet that will attract into your life that which you expect. When you expect something you activate and engage those parts of your mind and your nervous system that can empower you to think the unthinkable and do the undoable. One of the most powerful ways to cultivate expectation is to develop a very clear vision for your life.
Most people never even make the time to really define what they want from their lives, but even those who do follow the hope and pray strategy. They kind of know what they want but they don't believe they can have it, so they hope that something will happen and come along their life path to fulfil their desires. Expectation however, is a completely different mindset. It is a mindset of absolute certainty that can be consciously cultivated. Inherent in hoping there is a sense of doubt as you always hold two opposing results in your minds eye. When you expect something you know it is definitely happening. The very focus of your mind dwells upon one definite end result. To turn a hope into an expectation, you simply eliminate doubt and fear by eliminating the opposing outcome. Instead of "seeing" something fail or succeed, you now only see the success. With expectation your actions, your words and your imagination dwells upon and reflects you already having and being exactly what you want. When you expect something you remove the doubt that is inherent in hoping.
When a mother to be is pregnant we would say that she is expecting. In other words she knows beyond a shadow of a doubt exactly what's going to happen. Although some of the details are still unclear she is certain about the fact that she will have a baby and not something unknown. On an emotional level she can feel the result because she is expecting it although she can't see and touch it yet. What you expect for your life is exactly like that. When you start to expect for your life that which you absolutely desire your whole mindset turns from an uncertain hoping and wishing to the certainty of expecting. The images you encourage and entertain in your minds eye, what you say to yourself and everybody else reflects only the results you are committed to.
Most people expect the worst and hope for the best. Our cultural conditioning has thought us things like "don't get your hopes up" – just in case you might be disappointed. We've been taught to aim as low as possible. Everything above that will be a bonus. Right? Wrong! Remember that what you expect with certainty is what you will get in your life. You have to break away from the autopilot of the masses that just settle for an ordinary life; a life where they are not really happy but they are not unhappy to do something about it. If you want to lift your life and the quality of your life to a higher level than what it is at the moment you need to start by raising your expectations. Raise your expectations of what you are as a person and what you believe you deserve. See, what you believe you deserve is based on your expectations. When you lift your expectations to a higher level you raise your own standards and raising your standards is the first step to improving your life.
When you expect only the very best you will get only the very best. What you earn right now is what you expect to earn. The amount of free time you have right now is what you expect to have as free time. The relationships you have are what you expect it to be. When you expect the best it's not like expecting something good or something similar, but it is the best and only the best. You have to stop settling for less than you can be or have. On a deep psychological level this is exactly what creates your expectations and that is why a lifetime of settling for less than you can be creates an expectation that is only "o.k". It becomes the standard that you are willing to settle for. Think of yourself as the pregnant mother who expects (not hopes) only the best and with her imagination she is able to "live" the result in magnificent detail until she eventually has the experience of physically holding her "expectation". You have to nurture and care for your desires and only by becoming unreasonable in your expectations can you turn your deepest desires into reality. Expectations are ideas that are build on solid rock. They are unshakeable; unlike hopes and wishes that will wash away with the first storm that comes along.
You need no special skills or knowledge to raise your expectations. You simply need a decision that from this point onwards you will never again settle for anything less than you can possible be. The difference between hoping for something with uncertainty and depending on something with expectation is nothing but the way you control and direct the focus of your mind. What you say to yourself, the images you imagine and your behaviour are what you can consciously control and direct. But, only if you choose to. If not, you will revert back to the autopilot of the masses just go with the flow of "whatever" comes along. The cultural autopilot is the emotional default and only through conscious and consistent nurturing of your desires and emotions can you live life by your own standards and create the expectations that will lead you to a life abundance and fulfilment.
Great expectations create great results. When you expect the best it will become a directional mechanism that will guide you to seeking out and finding what you expect. The difference between great expectations and weak hopes is nothing but a mindset; a mindset that can make the difference between living a life of fulfilment and one of desperation and frustration. Create the expectation by making sincere decisions. Nurture your expectations by never settling for anything less than the best.


How the Pied Piper Attracts a Following
I went out to dinner with an old acquaintance of mine recently and was reminded of why I don't go out with her very often. She treats people like dirt. When the server came to take our order, she was incredibly loud and rude. She knows I don't like that behavior. I was curious to hear the reason she asked me to dinner.
(Note: I would never say anything behind someone's back that I wouldn't say to her face. She knows how I feel about her behavior.)
She invited me so we could talk about her rude behavior. She said she couldn't help herself when she was around people she felt were "below" her. I was stunned by this comment. The final stunning blow was when she said this, "Can't you teach me to be more like you?"
What??
Once I got my bearings and grounded myself, I asked her what she meant by that. To me, it's easy to be nice to people. I like being nice to people and I like people who are nice to me. That's what makes the world go 'round.
She said that she has watched me for years and noticed that I'm like the Pied Piper. People naturally like me and want to follow me. They want to get involved in what I'm doing. I easily attract the right people at the right times.
She felt as though she has been on a downward spiral most of her life. It's hard for her to attract people to work with her. What was her problem?
Well, where should I start?
Seriously, it's easier to see someone else's faults than it is your own. Nobody is perfect, especially not me.
First, I told her to stop comparing herself to other people, regardless of who it is. It's good to have role models or mentors, but it's not good to compare yourself to anyone. That will only set you back.
Then I told her to stop seeing herself as "above" anyone else. There is no such hierarchy – it only exists in her mind. We all have different experiences and different lives. It's not fair to anyone to see one person as better than any other.
Finally, she needed to start being nice to everyone, no matter who they are. Being nice attracts many more opportunities than being rude.
"That's it?" she asked.
"That's it, " I said.
But I was thinking, "You've got a long road ahead of you, my dear."
Hopefully, my "friend" will follow that advice so she can attract good people to work with her. There are so many people who do not understand that you have to give what you want to get. If you want good people to work with you, then you have to be a good person. Nobody wants to work with a loud, rude snob. Unfortunately, we run into people like that all too often.
If you see yourself in this story (as the rude snob), please consider this information. It's so much easier to work with someone who gets the fact that you get what you give. Otherwise, you'll spend a lifetime trying to figure out why nobody wants to be around you.